Aug 4, 2008

Rusty Bedsprings

My nocturnal escapades had only just begun. One particularly sunny morning I awoke, feeling blissfully rested and happy, and turned to greet the love of my life. Ty was looking at me uneasily, with concern and doubt covering his face. This not being his typical morning expression, I questioned him about it. He explained my antics from the night before:

Before falling asleep, I made sure to apply a Breathe-Right strip, because I had gained so much weight that the extra fat on my neck was choking me, not to mention all my swollen olfactory glands were slowly blocking off my air supply. The strips were a necessary tool to survival at that point. Apparently during the night I rolled towards my beloved, waking him, and pulled off my strip. At this point, I waved it at him and began to sing, "La la la la la!". Shocked, he asked what I was doing, which woke me up. I told him to be quiet, I was trying to sleep, and rolled over and went back to sleep.

All the rest of the day he looked at me oddly and kept his distance. I, on the other hand, chuckled over his rendition of the incident at intervals during the day, imaging how hilarious I must have looked, waving my Breathe-Right strip at him.

On a separate occasion, I had one of those fateful dreams from the depths of my early childhood. In my dream, I was using the bathroom. In real life, I was living out that dream... still in bed, of course. I woke up with a gasp, understanding that I was wet, but not grasping why. When it finally hit me I had just wet the bed, me, a 23-year-old adult, I was mortified. I glanced over at Ty, and was relieved to find he was still sleeping and didn't know about my accident. I crept into the bathroom, humiliated, and finished peeing in the proper receptacle. At this point I had fully waken up, and saw the humor in the situation. I grabbed a towel on my return to bed, and spread it over the small dark circle on my side of the bed. As I crawled back onto my soiled sheets (it was the middle of the night! There's always time for cleanliness in the morning) Ty woke up and asked what the matter was. "Nothing, Honey, I just wet the bed. It's ok."

For some reason this answer pacified him and we went back to sleep.

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