The Warmth Within

Being pregnant is vastly different than not being pregnant, and not just for the obvious reasons. Especially in the first few weeks when you haven’t told EVERYONE yet and this piece of knowledge is all your own – and hopefully your husband’s – and you can just savor it. I wondered how I could be growing a tiny individual with a heart beat already developed and coursing microscopic blood cells through near-invisible veins and not feel it. How was my uterus not on fire with this brand-new feeling? How were my fallopian tubes not dancing with the same intensity my own heart beat was? How was it possible that I could feel such choking happiness while my body still looked and acted like it always did? Every night as we lay down to sleep I would place both my palms over my womb, very low where I knew our baby was growing rapidly and would try to feel the process. I would feel my own heart beat there and momentarily get lost in the giddiness of believing I could feel the baby’s heart beat. I tried to listen inside myself – very quietly I would breathe – hoping to hear gurgles of movement. I became a new woman in those early weeks; no longer was I ashamed of my body or its limitations. I was feeling a new sense of pride and awe at my capabilities. It was a wonderful feeling! Ty and I prayed carefully each night for our child. We prayed for the baby’s health, happiness and faith. We prayed for an easy labor for me, and we especially prayed for patience! Eight more months seemed so far away!